Yesterday my post about bullies was met with an outstanding outpouring of support, and love, and general approval.
For the most part.
However, it was brought to my attention that some of my former bullies aren't happy about me sharing my story. They were even surprised to see that they, and their friends, were once labeled as bullies.
First of all, I want to say that my bullies were my bullies in the early years of my life. Since then, these men and women have grown up, and have, as I have, changed. I want to make sure that is understood that my post was not intended to discredit these men and women today, many of whom I'm sure are decent people.
This also came up with the word "Bully"
A bully isn't always the biggest kid in the school. They don't always have bulging muscles and they aren't always the tallest. Bullies aren't always "dumb" They don't have to be un-popular, or come from a broken home.
Bullies can have long hair, short hair, brown hair, pink hair. They can have blue eyes. They can come from the home of a Bishop, or a CEO of a company. They can live in large houses, and wear nice clothes. They can be smart, and do well in school. They can be small, or short, male and female, in every color, in every religion, in every shape and in every size.
They can be sweet and the best of friends to you, but be a bully "on the side" they don't have to be spiteful, vindictive people. They can grow up to be good, kind people. A bully can be anyone.
Bullies don't have to punch you, or slam your fingers into your locker (Happened to me once in Jr. High)
Because, and this is going to sound a little lame-sauce, but WORDS CAN HURT TO. Bullies can use other forms of violence besides the physical. Things that sometimes can go unseen, because the damage done emotionally can't be seen the same way a broken leg, or bruised eye can.
My bullies may have only physically attacked me once, but the emotional damage was just as bad. The name-calling, the rhyming of my name "Taylor" with the word "Failure" wasn't exactly genius, but it did the trick. A lot of what was said went on behind my back, which may or may not have been for the best. I asked to play with the kids at recess. They told me to go away. I asked them if I could sit with them at the lunch table. They told me no. I stood up to give a book report, they snickered. I made one wrong move, I was the talk of the town.
No-one stood up for me. People who may not have been the main antagonists, still laughed along with the rest of the group and did nothing to reach out to me. Nothing to befriend me.
One simple act of kindness from someone at the school wasn't bullied, may have changed 10 years of my life.
I've been told that simply "Kids can be mean" and yes, I agree with that.
Don't I know it.
But kids aren't dumb. I will not discredit a child. Children have remarkable potential to learn, and to learn well. Children CAN be taught that bullying is not okay, that excluding other children is not okay. That making fun of someone just because they are different from you is not okay.
Kids learn many things schools. How to treat others should be one of them.
My kid brother and sisters go to school now, High School, Jr. High, and Elementary School.
They've had run-ins with bullies, like we all probably have at some point, but nothing like what I had, and for that, I am truly grateful. In their schools, for the most part, people are more vocal about bullying. It doesn't get swept under the rug because it's uncomfortable. It's confronted, its dealt with.
Bullying isn't going to go away, possibly not ever. But, the more people who are aware of bullying the better chances we have of helping children have the best possible childhood, as bully-free as possible.
If you or someone you know is a victim of bullying, seek help! The best place to start is with a teacher, or principal. Know that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Build up confidence in yourself, so that others can't tell you who you are, because you already know. Don't focus on the lables, focus on you. Look around, and find the friendless.
And if you see someone is being bullied, do the right thing and stand up for them.
Be that person. Trust me, it will do you good.
Overall, when I look back on my childhood, I see the good. I lived in a beautiful area, had a quaint and lovely home, clothes, books, and a backpack (I've since retired the 101 Dalmatians one, sorry Diane!) A wonderful mom and dad, siblings, and family.
I even had a BARBIE themed room for Pete's sake!! Pink walls, pink carpet, and a Barbie house that would even put Elle Woods to shame. YES, BE JEALOUS.
I see the crackling of the fire at Christmas time, and hear the record my dad would put on. I see my favorite little red-headed baby brother finally coming home from the NICU.
I see my baby sister, learning sign language. I see my mom and dad holding hands. I see the happiness in it all.
I'm not bitter. I'm happy. I'm not filled with grudges, I'm filled with joy.
My bullies have moved on, I've moved on.
Life is good.
Until next time,
-The Mein's
